★ AS SEEN ON TV ★NOT AVAILABLE IN STORESCALL NOW: 1-800-555-0199OPERATORS ARE STANDING BYPLEASE CALL★ AS SEEN ON TV ★NOT AVAILABLE IN STORESCALL NOW: 1-800-555-0199OPERATORS ARE STANDING BYPLEASE CALL
AS SEEN ON TV!

WHISPER2000

HEAR THINGS YOU WERE NEVER MEANT TO HEAR.

The Sound Amplification Breakthrough The Government Doesn't Want Us To Sell.

WHISPER VOL (DO NOT) ACTUAL SIZE MAY BE ACTUAL
ONLY $1995

CALL NOW!!
1-800-555-0199OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY

ARE YOU TIRED OF... NOT HEARING STUFF?

Every day, millions of Americans go about their lives hearing only the things they are supposed to hear. DON'T BE ONE OF THEM.

UGH!
Your neighbors are talking about you. You KNOW they are. You can see their mouths going. What are they SAYING, Carol?
NO!
A bird lands on your fence. It chirps. You hear "a chirp." Do you hear its intent? You do not.
WHY?
Your doctor says your hearing is "fine." Fine? FINE?? Fine is what they said about the Hindenburg.
HELP!
Someone, somewhere, is whispering. Right now. And you weren't invited. Again.
OUCH!
You lean in to hear the TV and you pull something. Now you can't hear AND you can't turn left.
ENOUGH!
Your own thoughts are too loud and everyone else's are too quiet. Hey. We can't fix the first part.

THERE HAS TO BE A BETTER WAY!

There is. It's $19.95.

INTRODUCING... THE WHISPER 2000

Using a Parabolic Hyper-Acoustic Vortex Chamber™ (a cup), the Whisper 2000 captures sound from up to 100 FEET AWAY and delivers it directly into your head, where it will stay.

REC
CH 03
A WHISPER... FROM 100 FEET AWAY.

Dramatization. Do not attempt. Results not typical. Results not atypical. Results.

BUT WAIT!!
THERE'S MORE!!!

Order in the next 10 MINUTES and we'll throw in ALL of this, absolutely FREE. Just pay separate shipping and handling. And processing. And a thing called "fulfillment." And a fee.

FREE!

A SECOND WHISPER 2000

For the other ear. Or a friend. Or the other ear of a friend. Why would we only give you one? What are you, half a person?

Value: $19.95 PRICELESS. S&H: $39.95
FREE!

THE WHISPER 2000 LITE™

All the technology of the Whisper 2000, stripped down to its essentials. It is a cup. It is a very good cup. Hold it to your ear. Hold it to the wall. Hold it to the sky.

Value: $14.95 It's a cup.
FREE!

LIFETIME SUPPLY OF BATTERIES

One (1) battery. It's a long one. We guarantee it will last your entire lifetime, or your lifetime will be shortened to match. One or the other.

Value: $9.95 Depends how long you live
FREE!

LAMINATED CARD THAT SAYS "I HEARD THAT"

Hand it to someone silently. Walk away. Let them wonder. Laminated for durability, because you will use it constantly, because now you hear everything.

Value: $4.95 Wallet-sized
FREE!

THE OFFICIAL WHISPER 2000 VHS TRAINING TAPE

47 minutes of a man in a sweater explaining how to put on headphones. Chapter 9 is just him listening to his own refrigerator, visibly moved.

Value: $29.95 You don't own a VCR
FREE!

A VAGUE SENSE OF POWER

Not included in the box. It arrives on its own, usually around day three, when you realize your mailman hums.

Value: Unknowable

REAL PEOPLE! REAL RESULTS!**

**Real people. Results.

★★★★★
I can hear my husband chewing from the driveway. I did not want this. I cannot go back.— DORIS K., TAMPA, FL
★★★★★
I wore it to my daughter's wedding. I now know what the caterer thinks of the groom. The caterer is right.— HAROLD P., DULUTH, MN
★★★★★
Finally I can hear the ocean from my apartment. I live in Nebraska. I don't know whose ocean this is.— TRENT W., OMAHA, NE
★★★★☆
Pointed it at the moon. Nothing. Pointed it at my cat. Everything. Four stars because of what the cat said.— LINDA Q., RENO, NV
★★★★★
The pastor's microphone cut out mid-sermon. I kept listening. Nobody else did. I am the only one who knows how it ended.— GENE F., TULSA, OK
★★★★★
I am a bird. I'm not supposed to be able to type this. The Whisper 2000 changed everything.— A BIRD, THE FENCE

COMPARE!! THE COMPETITION DOESN'T WANT YOU TO!!

FEATUREWHISPER 2000YOUR EARSA REGULAR CUP"THE OTHER GUYS"
Hears a whisper at 100 ftYES!NOKindaNO
Hears a pin drop in another ZIP codeYES!*NONONO
Antenna that does somethingYES!**NONONO
Makes you look normal in publicNOYESNO?
Legal in all 50 statesMostYESYESNO
Hears your own regretYES!Already doesNONO
Only $19.95YES!Free (included)$1$3,000

*Pin must be dropped loudly. **It is for aesthetics. The "Other Guys" are not real and have been invented for this table. They know what they did.

DEVELOPED BY SCIENTISTS†

†Scientist. One. Named Gary. Gary is doing great.

PARABOLIC HYPER-ACOUSTIC VORTEX CHAMBER (PATENT DENIED) SOUND GOES HERE EAR YOUR EAR (NOT INCLUDED) ANTENNA (VIBES) FIG. 1 — THE BIG IDEA Not to scale. Not to anything. AMPLIFICATION: 2000x (ESTIMATED BY GARY)
  • RANGEYes.
  • FREQUENCY RESPONSE20 Hz to "concerning"
  • BATTERY LIFEApprox.
  • WEIGHTLighter than a toaster, heavier than a secret
  • WATER RESISTANCEIt resists. It does not win.
  • CAN HEAR THE SUNDo not point at the sun
  • FCC APPROVEDFCC aware
  • YEARS ON THE MARKET38. Nobody has stopped us.
The Whisper 2000 control unit with its headset ❚❚ PAUSESP 0:03:12 CORD (GENEROUS) SOUND MODULATOR (SUPER SENSITIVE) HEADSET (BOTH EARS)
EXHIBIT A — THE UNIT, AS SHIPPED
Close-up of the Whisper 2000 volume dial ❚❚ PAUSESP 0:11:47 PATENTED NON-SEQUENTIAL AMPLIFICATION
OFFSTANDBY.
EXHIBIT B — THE DIAL. TURN IT.
The back of the Whisper 2000 unit, showing the belt clip and battery door ❚❚ PAUSESP 0:27:05 TACTICAL MOUNTING SYSTEM BATTERY BAY (LIFETIME SUPPLY: 1) SERIAL NO. N19 Y-2000. WE CANNOT SAY MORE.
EXHIBIT C — THE BACK
The Whisper 2000 headset ❚❚ PAUSESP 0:38:51 ACOUSTIC CAPTURE MEMBRANES (×2) SPRING-STEEL HEAD TENSIONER
EXHIBIT D — THE HEADSET

HOW MUCH WOULD YOU PAY??

$199.95
$99.95
$49.95
$29.95
$1995OR THREE EASY PAYMENTS OF $4.98 AND A FOURTH PAYMENT WE DON'T DISCUSS
THIS OFFER EXPIRES IN
10:00
Then it's gone. Forever. Until it resets.
UNITS REMAINING
4,317
People are ordering RIGHT NOW. We can hear them.

ORDER FORM

Allow 6–8 weeks for delivery. Allow 6–8 months for regret. Allow 6–8 years for the laminated card to feel appropriate.

1-800-555-0199CALL NOW. OR WHISPER IT. WE'LL GET IT.
ORDER
IN THE NEXT
10 MIN!
(ALWAYS)